just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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