I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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