Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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