I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
