Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My dick has a subreddit
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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