heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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