I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
