I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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