bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
