You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
