I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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