Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
