i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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