My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
A+ Viking dick
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
