I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The best revenge is premature balding
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
