It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Pants 0. Shit 1.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
