the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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