I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
