i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
