you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
