Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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