I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
