8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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