R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
