He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
