she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
