we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
