He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i love accidental penises.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
