I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
