Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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