But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
