I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
