New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
