its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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