I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
