Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
