make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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