I haven't been this sober since birth.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
