how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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