Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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