I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
