I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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