Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
