It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
