Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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