Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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