your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
