Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The Olympian is in my bed
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize