shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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