If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I didn't notice because vodka
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
