On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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